Survivor’s Guilt

(c) 2007 E. Everett McFall


LORD, What Did I Do To Deserve To Survive?

Why Am I Still Here? Am I Worthy LORD?

I was instructed to try to re-assemble the dismembered body parts collected in the two rows of newly arrived “bloated body bags” lying on the ground. After about 90 minutes of intense humid heat, blood, other body fluids and the smells of decaying flesh, my team had put the remains of (8) Men together as humanely as possible.

It felt like trying to assemble a human puzzle, only these pieces were from fallen fellow Americans, humans, that were once full of LIFE, breathing, walking, talking, and doing the same things that I had done. Most were, as best as I could tell, my age or a little older. War is a youthful activity.

Today, forty years later, I’m still constantly overwhelmed by thoughts of whether or not I put the right head with the right body parts. These recurring thoughts have forced me to live with those ‘Heads’ for over 40 years. Those ‘HEADS,’ they continue to HAUNT ME, as I relive that experience, day after day after day, 24/7. This is only part of my PTSD!!!

YES, I can still hear their cries, even in my sleep!

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